


Taking Care of Business

by lalalalalawhy



Category: The Thrilling Adventure Hour
Genre: Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 12:35:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3978235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalalalalawhy/pseuds/lalalalalawhy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Bucatino had nothing to do but wait. And think about coffee. And try not to think about his brother Connie, and how he'd just bought that new speedboat.</p><p>Suddenly, he heard a fanfare of trumpets, which was strange, due to the fact that he was in his basement and nobody else was home, a.k.a. his wife was on an extended trip to her sister’s house with all of the Bucatino children.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking Care of Business

Dan Bucatino, of Bucatino Business, the finest office supply store in the tri-state area, sighed. He stopped trying to make sense of his brother Connie's atrocious bookkeeping and pulled off his reading glasses. He leaned backwards in his chair, away from the offending ledger.

Dan Bucatino scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. Connie had assured him that everything was fine with regard to the financial situation of the Bucatino Business -- the business of being a Bucatino, as well as the office supply store located in the office park at the corner of Route 7 and Transit. But Dan Bucatino was seeing nothing but red.

That is to say, metaphorically speaking vis-à-vis the color red, he was seeing red due both to his inability to tally the columns and come up with a positive number, as well as due to his anger at his brother Connie.

Dan Bucatino came to a decision and stood up from his chair at the table. He would brew a fresh pot of WorkJuice brand coffee. At least that was guaranteed to come out black.

These days, sometimes coffee is the only thing you can trust not to let you down, Dan Bucatino thought to himself, measuring the scoops of WorkJuice brand coffee into his ancient coffee pot. The coffee pot had been making coffee at Bucatino Business since the days of his father, Ron Bucatino, who had founded the business before Dan Bucatino had even been born. Dan Bucatino poured the water steadily into the reservoir and pressed the button to set the coffee to percolating.

Dan Bucatino had nothing to do but wait. And think about coffee. And try not to think about his brother Connie, and how he'd just bought that new speedboat.

Suddenly, he heard a fanfare of trumpets, which was strange, due to the fact that he was in his basement and nobody else was home, a.k.a. his wife was on an extended trip to her sister’s house with all of the Bucatino children.

"How now, fine consumer of that most precious of resources! This is the day which coffee hast made for thee." A man in fine ermine robes swept into Dan Bucatino's basement. He wore a golden crown upon his head and carried a scepter emblazoned with WJ. Around his neck he wore a heavy gold chain with a ruby the size of Dan Bucatino's fist.

"The King of Coffee!?" Dan Bucatino exclaimed. "I thought you were just on the commercials! You know, played by an actor?"

"Ah," the King of Coffee said, with a dismissive wave of his heavily-ringed hand. "A wise man once said all the world is a stage. And we ourselves? Merely the players.” The King’s voice lilted and got quiet. “Yet I am no more an actor, sweet Daniel Bucatino, than you are."

“I’m no actor,” Dan Bucatino insisted. “I’m just a guy who runs Bucatino Business and is in the business of being a Bucatino.”

“Thou dunder-headed pile of goat scum!” The King of Coffee was really yelling now. “Dost thou contradict your sovereign? Hast thou ever considered a definition beyond that of the primary veil of language?! Dost thou REQUIRE that I cut out thine tongue?”

“Woah, King, listen. I didn’t mean to cause offense. I’m just a guy, named Dan Bucatino, a.k.a. the proprietor of Bucatino Business, a.k.a. the patriarch of the Bucatino family.”

The King of Coffee began to puff up and looked as though he were about to blow his top vis-à-vis getting really, really angry right as the coffee machine began to gurgle. That is, it made the sound of a pot of coffee when it is almost completed with the time it takes to finish percolating. Both Dan Bucatino and the King of Coffee looked toward it.

“Oh, hey King. Coffee’s up. Do you want some? I have an extra Bucatino Business mug here that my brother Connie used earlier but I can give it a quick rinse, a.k.a. clean it out and it should be good to go,” Dan Bucatino said.

“Would that thou werest a dog that I might scold you properly for your slights against the crown!” the King of Coffee yelled. “Even the humblest peasant knows to pour the King of Coffee a chalice of this sweet nectar of life without thought to himself.”

“Here ya go, King,” Dan Bucatino said, handing over a mug -- with his smiling mug on it -- to the King of Coffee. The King took a long, drawn out, sip, and his shoulders relaxed significantly.

“Oh Daniel Bucatino, you beautiful fool,” the King of Coffee said, not unkindly. “Your head may filled with nary but cotton but your hands do make sweet and musical ambrosia.”

“Uh, thanks,” Dan Bucatino said. “But I’m still hung up on you being real and not some figment of my imagination. Are you sure you’re not one of them actor types?”

“Oh, Daniel, but doesn’t every man, deep in his core,” the King of Coffee clutched a hand to his chest, “act in such a way as to project a screen of untruths vital to his way of life? In such a way, are not we all actors, beholden to the whims of muses and forces beyond our control? Art thou not, at this very same instant, lying with every fiber of your being?”

“I don’t know what you could be talking about,” Dan Bucatino said, ducking his head.

“Come now, fair subject of mine,” the King of Coffee said. “I can see beneath the veil of lies under which you live your life. We twain have together supped the bonne bouche of caffeinated bliss. We are as brothers, are we not? Tell me thine woes.”

Dan Bucatino looked at the King of Coffee, really looked at him. His golden crown sat on his other crown, which is to say his head, upon which he was growing a beautiful head of curls. His eyes, which had just moments ago been lit with what seemed like an unreasonable amount of anger in regards to Dan Bucatino’s own perceived stupidity, were now glinting with something that looked a somewhat like humor, a.k.a. mirth. He had a nice mustache. And a nice mouth. They were just nice was all.

As Dan Bucatino gazed at the King of Coffee’s mouth, the royal lips quirked up in a quick smile that stopped just short of being a smirk. Something about that expression moved something deep in Dan Bucatino’s belly. He quickly looked down at his mug smiling out from his mug of coffee. His eyes were stinging.

“I’ll be honest with ya, King, the past few months have been really hard,” Dan Bucatino said. “No, make that years. With regard to being hard, I guess. It’s been really hard. Ever since my dad, Ron Bucatino died.” His shoulders sagged with the weight of the realization. “It’s just…” he heaved a sigh, which stuttered halfway up because he was holding in a sob, “hard.”

Dan Bucatino, proprietor of Bucatino Business as well as the figurative head of the business of being a Bucatino, buried his face in his hands, a.k.a. covered his eyes, which were starting to leak. That is to say hid his sadness from the King of Coffee, who was, at the moment, the only beautiful thing in his life.

“Sometimes,” Dan Bucatino said, “the coffee’s really the only thing that gets me through the day.” He didn’t mention the headaches or gut pains he had been experiencing the last few months every time he drank his 8 p.m. pot of coffee, a.k.a. usually the fifth pot of the day.

“I’m a businessman,” Dan Bucatino said, helplessly, “both of the Bucatino Business that sells office supplies, and also the business of being a Bucatino.” He sighed.  
“And both of my businesses are failing.” His shoulders hunched with the weight of the confession.

Dan Bucatino felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

“Ah,” the King of Coffee said in a soft but lofty tone. “Thou, Daniel Bucatino, my most loyal of coffee subjects, hast warmed my oft-too, too chilled heart. Heavy lies the crown on the monarch of the melancholy.” The King of Coffee began tracing small circles with his thumb on Dan Bucatino’s bicep. “Prithee, what couldst soothe that which coffee cannot?”

Dan Bucatino’s breath hitched in his throat and his heart started racing. Boy, he thought to himself, that caffeine really does pack a punch! It had to be the caffeine. It certainly wasn't the way the desk lamp sparkled in the King of Coffee's eyes, or how soft his lips looked.

“Nothing, King. The coffee’s all I got right now.” Dan Bucatino didn’t dare to look up.

“Go to your bosom: Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know,” the King of Coffee said, taking Dan Bucatino’s hands in his own.

Dan Bucatino met the King of Coffee’s eyes and saw the fire of a dozen hotplates reflected within, a.k.a. some pretty heady passion, the likes of which he could not remember seeing from his wife or any other person in many, many years. He felt a similar fire of a similar number of coffee hotplates deep within his belly, and he felt a stirring in his bathing suit area. The King of Coffee reached up, and ever so gently cupped his hand against Dan Bucatino’s jaw.

In response to the touch, Dan Bucatino’s heart started racing as though he had just drunk a hundred cups of WorkJuice coffee instead of his usual fourteen.

“Tell it to me true, sweet Daniel. What dost thine heart desire?”

Dan Bucatino suppressed a sob and instead turned his mouth toward the King of Coffee’s palm, brushing his lips against hot skin. He was not surprised that he smelled exactly like a freshly brewed cup of joe.

“I…” he cleared his throat and glanced back at the King of Coffee. “I want you, King.”

The King of Coffee nodded his head, crowned both with his beautiful curls and an actual crown. “And desire I thee, fair Daniel,” the King of Coffee replied.

Dan Bucatino needed no more invitation vis-à-vis kissing, and leaned forward to meet the King of Coffee’s lips. Of course it tasted like coffee and felt like royalty.

“Oh!” exclaimed the King of Coffee after a fair few minutes of lip locking, a.k.a. going at it pretty hot and heavy. “’Tis infrequent a subject of mine requires, as you do, a friendly touch.” He looked up at Dan Bucatino through heavily lidded eyes. “I am not displeased ‘twas thou, Daniel.”

“King…” Dan Bucatino trailed off. He was used to giving his various businesses his all. He was not used to asking for something only for himself. It felt selfish.

“Daniel, what sayst thou? Dost thou wish to cease our amorous ways?” The King of Coffee seemed… disappointed? That didn’t seem right to Dan Bucatino. When he made love to his wife, as infrequent as it was these days, he was both the disappointed and the disappointing party vis-à-vis sexual performance and romantic intentions.

“Nuh… no, King. Please.”

The King of Coffee leaned in again, and began kissing Dan Bucatino in earnest, a.k.a. with a gusto he had not experienced since his early days as a businessman. He responded in kind, licking into the King of Coffee’s mouth and enjoying the slight tickle of moustache more than seemed right.

The King of Coffee moved to unbutton Dan Bucatino’s sensible denim button-down shirt and slid his hand’s against the undershirt he found underneath. He found Dan Bucatino’s hammering heartbeat and pulled back for the merest of seconds. Dan Bucatino caught his eye, wordlessly pleading for more. The King of Coffee quirked his smile, the one that first lit the spark that went on to light the fire burning within Dan Bucatino’s loins now, and they met once more.

“Daniel, let us away to yon settee,” the King of Coffee said, gesturing to the futon in the corner of the basement. Dan Bucatino nodded and stood up a tad enthusiastically.

Dan Bucatino scrambled to unbuckle his belt and kick off his shoes at the same time as he followed the King of Coffee over to the futon. The King of Coffee lay back. “Woulds’t thou assist me by freeing my loins?” he asked.

Dan Bucatino’s eyes widened, but, never one to back away from a challenge, he began to help unbutton and unbuckle the King of Coffee’s impressive wardrobe. As if by mutual agreement, they left the ermine cloak and golden crown undisturbed.

After long moments and several stolen kisses, Dan Bucatino succeeded in exposing the King of Coffee’s royal member. He leaned down to inhale its regal scent, which was, of course, the scent of a freshly brewed pot of coffee. As he did he noticed the King of Coffee’s eyes rolling back in his head. Slowly, Dan Bucatino took the length of the King of Coffee into his mouth.

He tasted like coffee, too.

Dan Bucatino couldn’t stop his mouth from watering.

Gripping the futon arm with one hand and wrapping the other along the King of Coffee’s impressive shaft, Dan Bucatino bobbed his head experimentally. The King of Coffee groaned deliciously, which in turn made Dan Bucatino groan. He was so hard it was painful against his pants, which he had loosened but not lost in the prior disrobing. He paused in his rhythm and reached down to take himself in hand.

“Oh, my darling man,” the King of Coffee breathed, “come to me and kiss me with thine honeyed and coffee-infused lips.”

Dan Bucatino stretched up toward the King of Coffee’s mouth. As he did, their swollen members briefly brushed against each other. The King of Coffee caught Dan Bucatino by the back of the neck and pulled him into a kiss that was at least one hundred ninety five degrees Fahrenheit, a.k.a. ninety one degrees Celsius, which is to say the perfect temperature with regard to serving coffee. His other hand snaked down and gripped both of their members, royal and common alike.

Dan Bucatino nearly lost it right there vis-à-vis orgasming. He had not experienced anything this intense in, well, a long time. As the King of Coffee’s hand found a rhythm, however, Dan Bucatino found that he could not focus on his life as a businessman or his woes with regards to either of his businesses. All he could focus on was the King of Coffee’s mouth, his curls, his touch, and the heady taste of coffee.

Dan Bucatino bucked against the King of Coffee’s hand. “Don’t stop!” he cried. “I’m about to…” but it was too late; he came all over the King of Coffee’s stomach. Mere moments later, the King of Coffee fell to pieces, spraying his version of half and half, a.k.a. creamer against Dan Bucatino’s chest and stomach.

The King of Coffee met Dan Bucatino’s eyes and smiled. He leaned down and licked a hot stripe of his own cum off Dan Bucatino’s body. Dan Bucatino shuddered another deep breath, and burned the image into his mind.

There may be dark days to come in the life of Dan Bucatino. Life as a businessman wasn’t easy, regardless of which Bucatino business he may be discussing at any given moment. But this was a good thing. And sometimes, in life, we all deserve good things. Good things like WorkJuice brand coffee.

**Author's Note:**

> Hahahahaha, that’s right. One serving of WorkJuice coffee is guaranteed to grant you the same sexual satisfaction as a visit from the King of Coffee. And that’s a promise!


End file.
